uganda musings: thursday

closure. i think i despise the concept. it signifies change, leaving something behind, the end of something. normally the end of something good (although not necessarily). i feel like it is like the scab on a wound. it closes up which is good for healing, but it means there's a wound. i dont like that.

i love it here. a lot. ive realized that even more recently as ive thought about what it is going to be like to leave it behind--i leave nyahuka on monday! ive realized more and more than i want to be here. i dont know why or what it is that draws me to stay. well, thats not entirely true.

people. new friends. the mountains. opportunities to serve and bring positive change to communities. a relaxed, less time focused culture. the crazy awesome rainstorms that come at night at least once a week--like the one right now. being able to see a different part of God's creation, and see  different parts of my own character, as well as different aspects of God's character. learning new things.

its hard to leave things that i love so much behind. its hard to leave friends that you made a month ago. even harder when you dont know when/if you will be back.

and i hate the concept of closure, cause i never feel like i get it.

so here's to the next three days of goodbyes that wont be that fun and leaving behind a place ive grown to love. lets see if distance does what its supposed to do.

uganda musings: tuesday

nutrition is something i take for granted. i did not realize how much meat i ate in the states until i came to uganda, where i'm lucky to have meat once a week. maybe that's why i'm so happy right now, listening to the fierce rainstorm outside and sitting content after a few pieces of juicy steak for dinner tonight.

but even as i write those words, its a little bit difficult after viewing the nutrition program at the health center today. malnourished children ranging in age from 6 months to five years are able to be enrolled, and they are given weekly handouts of high-protein (and other healthy stuff) soy bean and g-nut paste. a ten week program that generally makes a positive impact on the health of the child. long term impact is a little bit unknown, though. and its discouraging when you hear that the same parent is bringing back a second (or third) malnourished child, clearly showing that the parents haven't learned from the first how to properly nourish their children. or else, they simple are unable to provide. in either case, it is a sad and difficult situation. and from my perspective, pretty frustrating too. its so easy in my mind for these parents to provide for their kids with what they have, but because of lack of education and cultural factors, among other things, it just doesnt happen. and children suffer or, in extreme cases, die as a result.

thats just different than life in america. but reality.

something else that i believe is reality: God's sovereignty. and thats what i cling to as i view some of the destructive patterns that contribute to suffering in this area. somehow, God is in control. definitely dont understand it all the time, but it is the hope i cling to.



fun fact of the day: you may think an engagement ring is expensive, but it'll cost a guy twelve goats to get married in bundibugyo.

uganda musings: monday

so today. back to the classroom--joshua D style. josh took some time to explain the basic concepts of hydraulic flow and a gravity flow water system to kevin and i. to spare you the technical details, we ended up making a drawing of the profile of the mountain from the source of the water all the way to bubukwanga, where we will be hoping to connect it to the water for the refugees.

oh, and if for some reason you stumbled upon this and havent been getting my email updates, im in africa, uganda to be specific, there are refugees here, and i am working with people who are helping to bring them water.

the look at the refugee site today was entirely different. the situation had moved away from desperation, and there were no longer lines of people waiting for water, hoping the tank did not run out before they got their jerry can underneath the flow. this time, water was, well, adequate. there was a small market that had been set up in the middle of the camp. new latrines were being dug. the goats still wandered, the ducks sat around, the kids were playing soccer. it has begun to look like a small town.

and odds are that's what it will become. of the 20,000 people who fled congo for safety, many will stay. they have left their lives behind to start fresh, and this is it.

a small village has been planted in africa.

what would make them stay? surely the cramped lifestyle of 20,000 people on maybe 5 acres cannot be ideal, can it? living in tents and depending on foreign agencies for food and water?

but if they are going to stay...

it makes me wonder what they left behind.

poverty

what is poverty?

when i was asked that question, i gave an answer that is probably relatively normal for most americans. poverty is the lack of things, not having enough money for food, not having access to clean water, no shelter, homeless, no job, no shoes. no stuff. lack of things.

depending on how you define poverty, you will attempt to alleviate it in different ways. if i think poverty is strictly a lack of material possessions, why would i do anything more about it besides give some money, buy some food, or help build a house?

but what if theres more to it than that?

if poverty were so simple as to be constrained to a one dimensional problem like lack of material goods, the solution would be simple. more goods. give money, give things, and problem solved right?

experience says no. something must be wrong with the solution. but deeper than that, something is wrong with the definition.

poverty is so much more than a lack of "stuff." yes, poverty is a lack of certain items, but it is also a lack of hope or a lack of opportunity. a lack of relationships. looking at poverty through the lens of american materialism causes you to fail to see humans' need for love, acceptance, confidence, hope, relationships, and so much more. if i want to begin to help address material poverty, i must see the entire poverty of being, and must come from a place of humility in recognition my own poverty. i may not have the same material absence, but i certainly am not rich emotionally or spiritually.

Maybe that's what makes this problem so difficult.

Shadows

change. if there is anything in this world that is constant, it is the the presence on that which is not constant. we change. things around us change. we change because things around us change. that is what this world is like.

but He does not. He does not change like shifting shadows. 

Shadows of an object can shift in two ways--by the object moving and changing itself, or by the source of light casting that shadow changing. so some changes of that shadow are in control of the object. Some are entirely outside of it's control.

Yet God doesn't change in either way. He is constant. He does not change himself. There is nothing outside of his control that could possibly change Him. He is the one thing in this world that remains.

James 1:17

fingers

you never realize how much you miss something until you dont have it, so they say.

something like, oh...i dont know, your left index finger, for example. i cut a small fraction of mine off the other night and while i know that it will grow back, it makes simple little tasks (like typing this post) a lot more difficult.

but you never realize that when you have it.

so i'm thankful today for my 9.8 fingers and hope to have all ten back soon.

but something about the way i handled the situation the night it happened brought out something that is a recurring theme in my life. as with the last injury i sustained, which resulted in staples to my head to keep it all together, i was very calm and had everything under control. looked like a stud, gettin myself hurt and not crying or showing hardly any concern. clearly i've got everything together right?

its one of my greatest strengths but certainly one of my greatest weaknesses. my friend asked me, "do you ever get stressed?"

makes me realize how much i never admit my need for help, my weaknesses, my pain, my vulnerabilities. because i need to appear strong.

or at least, i think i do.

adoption

"You don't have to do that anymore...I am not like your old family."

this is what He says to me. He looks at me, at things i am holding on to, and says i don't need them anymore. i hold onto my pride, my reputation--things i feel i need to live.

i think that without people looking on me with approval and respect, that i cannot be sustained. that i will wither away in sadness and fear and loneliness. so i hide these things, because i fear that i will not have them otherwise and that i need to provide for myself.

but in my new family, things don't work like that. He provides for me, and i will never go hungry again. its kinda silly, i guess, that i hold on to these things as if i need them, when i've been given so much more by being adopted into His family. it doesn't fully make sense to me. there's no way that He actually cares about me that much, and pursues me that intensely.

but He does.

and that's the good news that i call the gospel.